What to do on a spring day.

When I found out that the forecast for today was in the 50's and sunny I made plans to take the kids to the park with some friends after school and lunch. So when the boys got home and the kids were all fed we packed up and headed to the park near Dyson's school.

We me our friends and were having a wonderful time. Rori had a great time running around the sand and climbing on the toys. She even got a handful of sand/dirt in her mouth. I thought it had made her sick because she came walking towards me and then threw up all over the cement. GROSS! so I covered it up with some sand from the sand box so the other kids wouldn't play or step in it. Disaster avoided.

My attention went back to the kids playing and the conversation I was having with the other moms. After a little while I noticed that Ridge was missing. I was able to keep the panic at bay since we were the only ones there but I was relived when another mom started laughing and said he was peeing on the cement under the bowery. I about died of embarrassment! But what can you do when you spent so much time on an island where you could pee anywhere. I went over to Ridge and was going to help him get cleaned up when I realized that he didn't just pee, but he had pooped on the cement. Poor kid has diarrhea and was trying to take care of it himself. Still GROSS though.

So, I took care of Ridge and he went home commando, and we decided to call it good at the park. We got home and I sent both boys in to use the potty and I was getting things cleaned up. After I took care of Ridge I decided to put Rori down for her nap and when I went to pick her up I realized that she smelled really bad and was all wet. Upon further investigation I found where she had thrown up 3 times!! Poor baby girl. She obviously didn't get sick from the sand but she is fighting some kind of stomach bug.

I got her cleaned up and down for a nap and then began the task of cleaning the floor, her shoes and her clothes.

I know I have been craving the warmth and fun of spring weather but if this is the price for sunshine I think I'll take the rain!!

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day, I have friends from out of town stopping by!!

Get better soon kids.

Just some thoughts

I really wish my life were a little more exciting so I could write some really awesome posts. But seriously my life is about as normal as it can get.

We have all been fighting some kind of bug or another complete with 2 kids with ear infections and me with a sinus infection. Not to mention the perpetual teething that Rori is doing. We have been pretty miserable over the past few weeks.

I'm sitting here trying to think of something interesting to post and I'm starting wonder why I bothered even starting a new post! haha.

Jason is still studying....sigh. I can't wait for this test to be over!! Jason is a great husband and father and he spends as much time with us as he can but the stress is going to kill me. Plus once the test is over we can start packing and working on our big move back east!

I am so super excited to move! Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for the generosity of family and all the love and support they have given us over the past few years, but I am ready to move on. I am ready to be a grown up so to speak. I will be sad to leave family but I love an adventure and I've always wanted to live on the east coast.

Ridge has entered his "absolutes" stage. Everything he says is all or nothing. He will ask if I will let him play with his friends and if I say no his response is somewhere along the lines of "I will NEVER get to play with my friends again!!" or "You ALWAYS say no." If we can't go to Nana's house he'll say "I will NEVER see Nana again, never, ever." It is kind of funny trying to explain to him that just because we can't do something right now doesn't mean it won't ever happen. He listens but I can tell he doesn't get it.

Dyson is making leaps and bounds in the reading department. He loves to find words while we are out and about that he read. He writes stories all the time and writes me little notes. He does a really good job spelling phonetically and we are just working on leaving a space between each word so it will be easier to read. He has such an imagination too. The child never ceases to amaze me with his stories and games he thinks up. He is such a great big brother too. He takes such good care of his sister and gets really upset if she is sad. What a tender heart he has and I love it.

Rori is crazy. There really isn't a better way to describer her. She can be a girly as can be one minute and sitting on her brother's head growling the next. She has found that she LOVES her baby and baby much be wrapped up in a blanket so she can unwrap her and ask me to wrap her back up. It's quite the task keeping baby bundled. I try to wrap her so Rori can't get her undone and Rori thinks it's the best game ever.

She is talking more and more. She can actually say "more" too haha. She tries really hard to mimic most sounds and does a pretty good job. This just started within the last couple of weeks, before that she didn't really try to say too many words so I'm excited to hear all that she has to say. Jason may not like it too much though because usually when she is talking to him it doesn't sound too nice. She really lays into him sometimes. It really makes me laugh.

I only wish she would be happy with me more. She is my baby girl and she is a daddy's girl through and through. If dad is home there is nobody else. I realized yesterday that she is growing up so fast and I am missing all her special moments. There is always laundry to do or dishes to wash or a meal to make so I hand her off way too often. I am making an effort to hold her more and savor those precious moments that are slipping away all too soon.

Some days I love being a mom and some days it's the hardest job ever, but I think that's how it's supposed to be. It takes character, motivation, dedication, perseverance, love, compassion, support and desire (among many other qualities) to be a good mom. The things that are the hardest are the most worth while. Today was one of those days that went relatively well. The kids were as well behaved as a 5, 3, sick 1yr old can be. The loves I have received today have lifted me. I love the sweet angels that I have in my home. They are everything to me. I took extra time to snuggle my kids today and the laundry didn't get washed yet but it was the best time of the day.

Jason's 30!!!

(the pictures are all messed up and blogger won't let me fix it. sorry.)
This is us at the top of the mountain on our last run of the day. It was such a beautiful day for skiing!
Here is the man of the hour at the top. I made him take this pic. haha

Here is me mastering the bunny hill with my mad skills!!

Jason turned 30 this month and with us being on a budget we were prepared for a very low key celebration but we were able to do some pretty fun stuff.

We went skiing at Wolf Creek Ski Resort and we had a blast. We hadn't seen fresh snow in nearly a month and on Thursday morning we woke up to a glorious sight....SNOW! Jason's favorite time to ski is when it's snowing and the weather gods were smiling down on us that day. We packed up, left the kids with my mom and headed to the mountains.

I was a little worried that I would spend the whole day in the snow but surprisingly I didn't let gravity get the best of me. I only enjoyed 1 snow facial. haha.

We had a great time just the 2 of us and we now both have the skiing bug. This is not a good time to get it though, considering we are nearing the end of the ski season, we can't afford to support this hobby and we are moving in a few months! Oh well. It was fun while it lasted.

All in all I think we had a wonderful day and we were only a little sore at the end of it. We spent most of the day on the bunny hill that was called "Oh my heck hill" I'm pretty sure they call it that for beginners. It looked like a huge hill to me until we went up to the easy run that started at the very top of the mountain.

We went down that run 4 times and it was super fun. I'm glad I got to spend the day with the most important person in my life. I hope he had a happy birthday.

Pictures!!!

Here are some pics of the fam. I know it's been a long time coming so here they are in all their glory!Here is our adorable little girl, being, well.... adorable.

She is super sweet and we love having her in our family.

Grandma got some balloons for her birthday and the kids played with them for weeks. Seriously. They played with them at least 2 weeks.
Here is Uncle showing the boys how to play a game on Dyson's DS. The boys LOVE living with Uncle.
I think this is one of the sweetest pictures ever!!
What a handsome boy! He is the best big brother.
The other "sweetest pictures" Both the boys love their sister and take such good care of here. Of course sometimes that means sitting on her to keep her out of things, but I guess we each have our own styles of care giving right?
Dyson was a Vampire for his school Halloween party
Rory LOVES to wear her coat. If she sees it at any point during the day she cries until we put it on her. We were not going anywhere when this picture was taken. She just wanted to wear her coat. Silly girl.
If this face doesn't say "Mischief" then I don't know what would. I only wish it were in focus!
This is from when we picked out pumpkins for Halloween. (I know I'm behind) This is pretty much the face I get now when I ask Dyson to smile for a picture. He is so his Dad's son.
Here we are on the hayride to get our pumpkins! Daddy was in Grenada still.
Who me?
Kisses?
I love this kid! I love all my kids. They are the best and the sometimes the worst kids ever and I love being their mom. They make me laugh everyday and the teach me so many wonderful things.

Things have been moving right along here in the Johnson house. Jas is of course studying like a lunatic, but we all knew he was crazy. Dyson and Ridge are doing awesome in school and love learning new things. Rori is saying new words everyday and if you ask her where her eyes are she closes her eyes really tight. It is one of the cutest things ever. Dyson and Ridge take good care of their sister and for the most part get along really well.

I am starting to get really stressed out about the test Jason is taking and the big move.

We are all doing well and I am going to try to take more pictures and post more often. I realized my blog was seriously boring because of the lack of pictures and posts. So I am going to try to do better. (wish me luck)

What's new?... Nothing

I feel like a terrible blogger! I have neglected this blog ever since we left Grenada. It seems that being back with family and now having Jason home has put blogging on the back burner. It doesn't help that there really isn't anything super facinating happening to us right now. Our lives seem to be filled with the ordinary, mundane things that make life so wonderful.
Jason is full swing into studying for the USMLE and is planning on taking it in March, just before our 7 year anniversary. We have been going through all the things we own and don't own so we know what we need to aquire before we move to NJ to start the next chapter.
Dyson is continuing in his schooling and is absolutely loving it. Ever since his dad came home his attitude at home and school has improved and it confirms my suspisions that dads are so important to the balance and well being of a family (especially ours)
I am assuming that Ridge is doing well in Preschool but I really don't know since all he will tell me is that he likes the snacks that they get each day. Every letter makes the K sound and he has no idea what comes after the number 6. All in good time though. He is only 3 and still has a year and a half before kindergarten. We got some flash cards for him for Christmas and hopefully that will help.
Rori seemed to grow up over night. I put her to bed last night and she was just my sweet little baby girl and this morning when she woke up she seemed to be so much older! She finally has some top teeth, they came in the last 3 weeks, and she looks so much older now. She is talking more and more and is seriously the most hillarious child. She makes me laugh every single day!
I have been working hard to keep the family moving in a smooth, HA, routine. Christmas was a great 2 week break but it was nice to get back to normalcy and routine. The kids do SO much better when schedules are kept.
I have been spending a lot of time on KSL Classifides and Craig's List to find furniture for us when we move. When we first moved for Jas to start school we sold all the big items that we owned in order to fund our way and now that we are back in the states we realized that we own NOTHING. We kept our bed and the little things but we sold our couch, table and chairs, dressers, TV, Car (we have one now) etc. And we just sold our Cal King mattress in order to down grade to something more likely to fit in an apartment in NJ.
It has been a wonderful month with Jason home and our family feels complete again.
We are planning on moving at the end of April and hope to see some of our friends who are planning to move out of the area soon after that.
I know I haven't posted pics in a while but we really haven't done anything fun to see and kids rarely hold still for a photo shoot.

I should probably let you all know that I am going to put the blog private again. When I first started the blog it was private and then I changed it so people could see it easily. Nobody knew I had a blog so it wasn't a big deal but the blog has been up for a while and I'm not sure who (if any) might have found it without my knowing. So there you have it. If you want me add you just let me know either in comment or email.
Hope to see you all on the other side!

The funk, stress, surgery and homecoming.

I figured I should probably post something new on here or everyone is going to think I just walk around moping all the time.
I don't by the way. at least not much.
There have been tons of things happen since the first of the month and unfortunately I don't have many pictures. Plus I'm using someone elses computer so it's awkward to put my pics on it, so as soon as I can I will post some pics.
But to fill you all in on the past few weeks it has been a crazy month. It started with a little moping (as you may have already read) but that was soon let out and put back into perspective. I received several wondrful comments and you will have no idea how much those really did help me get out of my funk. It was nice to be reminded how much I really am loved and that there are so many people who do care about me. So "Thank You" to all of you who have expressed love for me.
I also recieved a phone call from a good friend from Genada who I hadn't spoken with in over a year it seems, at least not on the phone. We talked and visited and it was great to reconnect with people who were such a huge part of my life during a time when all we had were our friends. There are those who will always be apart of my Grenada Family.
So after I was de-funked, I began the stress of Jason's finals. It was not pretty. Lots and lots of stress. That week started with me going to the doctors because I had been peeing blood for nearly 2 weeks. They did tests and after an entire day at the doctors they found a 7 mm kidney stone. So I went to the Uroligist on Tuesday and was scheduled for surgery on Wednesday. (2 days before Jason came home) I was an add on so they didn't know when I would actually get into surgery. I checked in at 3:30 and didn't get into surgery until 9:00. It was supposed to be outpatient surgery but I wasn't ready to leave until 2:00 am so they decided to admit me and have me stay the night. ( they did Electro Shockwave Lithotripsy or ESL for all those medical people out there) So I headed home around noon on Thursday and spent that night and the next day on pain killers and trying to get ready for Jason to come home.
He arrived on Friday night 30 min earlier than he was scheduled, but don't worry because I was there 45 min before he was scheduled to land.
It has been whirlwind ever since he arrived and it has been wonderful. The kids have loved having their dad back and I can't complain a bit. He left the day after his last final so we didn't know how he had done when he boarded the plane it was nearly a week after he had been home that we got the good news that all the hard work and stress and sacrifices were worth it and he had the go ahead to study for the USMLE and move on to the next step. It has certainly been a week of celebrations.
We are all getting ready for Christmas and the kids are out of school for the holidays. I have so much to be thankful for this Christmas season and I know I owe all of that to my Savior. Without Him and my Heavenly Father I know I would not have as much to be celebrating.
May all of you have a Merry Christmas and know that the Savior and our Heavenly Father love us all.

Feelings

Nothing new to report really, hence the lack of posting.
We had Thanksgiving. Without Jason, not fun.
And we are now in the middle of Christmas.

It doesn't really feel like Christmas and I'm sure if it's becuse Jason is gone, or because we don't have room to do "Our Christmas"
We get to do some of the things with Jason's family but I feel like an intruder, and like they invited us because we live there so they HAD to. It's not a feeling I particularly enjoy so I have been trying to avoid that as much as possible.

I know this is going to sound like a "poor me" post and if you don't want to read it then don't. But I need to get this out of my head and the only way I know how to do that without Jason is here on MY blog.

The past few months have been hard. I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of single parenthood. I read other people's posts about their children and they seem so in love with them and marvel at each moment they are there. Every word is dripping with love, awe, praise, marvel and adoration. I wish those words described my life with my kids.
It seems that lately all I have been doing is yelling at the kids and worrying if they are going to destroy something that doesn't belong to me or them. I can't seem to get a good report from teachers or friends parents or even family. I am really tired of hearing all the bad things that my kids do and after hearing it so much I am seriously doubting my ability to be a mom. I thought I was raising good kids but I haven't heard anything to support that.
I want so desperately to have great, amazing kids. and I feel like I try so hard to do a good job and it isn't working and now I find myself looking at them throught the critical eyes of others. I now no longer see the sweet accomplishments, or hear the funny things they say. I don't celebrate the little moments because I am too worried about what other mom's, or teachers or family will be thinking about my parenting or the children's latest mistake.
I feel like the worst mom and I feel very alone. With Jason gone I'm pretty much on my own.
When we lived in Grenada I made some really great friends. Friendships that I thought would last forever. We may not be able to see eachother super often but I thought that we would be able to be in touch. That these would be women who would share in what I am going through. They would be able to empathize with the struggles that come along with being a Med Student Wife. But this net of friends really hasn't existed for me. It was there during my months in Grenada but beyond that we are strangers. They have moved on and I'm trying to be OK with it. It's a hard thing for me to lose friends. I try to invest in my friends and they seriously mean the world to me. So it's hard when I lose them.

To sum it all up: I feel like a crapy mom, I feel out of place, and very alone. (I told you this would be a downer)

I don't want people to feel sorry for me. But I do wish I had some true to life, be there for you anytime, friends.
Most of you who read this are my friends, and good ones. I know you can't have those special friendships with everyone and casual friends are great too. But a girl does need some super close girlfriends. And that's what I miss.