My day usually consists of periods of extreme productivity and periods filled with the desire to do fun things, which usually undoes all of my hard work. haha.
The routine of my day was pretty regular and I could count on myself being motivated to clean and accomplish important tasks in the morning after breakfast. I would get up, feed myself and the kids. Clean up breakfast and do other chores around the house. Followed by a bath for the kids and a shower for me. We would all get ready for the day and by this time it was usually nap time for at least one of the kids and lunch for the rest. After lunch however I seem to lose my desire to do anything that even resembled work and it was time for movies, games, baking treats (although I don't bake that much, haha) reading or just playing around. This stage would last until it was time to make dinner, in which case I would rally my strength to stop having fun and do the duty of making food for the indians. After dinner of course I would not do the dishes (they would patiently wait for me to wash them with the breakfast dishes. Aren't they nice?) and would veg with the hubby and kids until bed time.
It was a routine that I have enjoyed and grew accustomed to over the years. It suited me nicely and although many of my friends can't stand to go to bed where there is work to be done, I am not that way and leaving dishes in the sink or laundry to be folded did in no way interfere with my ability to fall asleep.
Lately, however, I am noticing a change to the pattern that my life has followed for as long as I can remember. The mornings these days come so very early. Jason's alarm goes off at a painful 4:30 and I can't help but hear it since I am laying right next to him. It doesn't help that I'm usually up half the night going to the bathroom anyway. Once I am awake I have to eat, since this baby insists on starting me on the "every 2 hour" feeding program early. I can then doze a little before Jason has to leave (by 6:30 most days and 5:30 2 days a week) at which time he kisses me goodbye. The kids are usually bouncing down the stairs between 6:00 and 6:30 and after that there seems to be no rest for the wicked.
I drag myself out of bed to fix the kids their breakfast and to have second breakfast myself, and get Rori's diaper changed. At this point instead of following my usual course and clean up breakfast and begin my whirlwind tour of cleaning, I find myself dragging back into bed where I read until I fall back asleep.
I have been so tired in the mornings that I can barely keep my eyes open. Today I had 2 naps before 11:00, and that is not unusual these days. I know I really shouldn't use the TV as much as I have but right now it is saving my bacon. I am usually out until lunch time and during the afternoon I am able to gather enough energy to accomplish some of what needs to be done. Of course there is usually a big mess waiting for me since poor Rori has been left to her own devices as to how to spend her time. We've had some fun messes to clean up.
I remember being tired when I was pregnant with the other kids but my memory never does it justice. I think it's unfair that I can remember being tired but the reality of it is somehow not projected in those memories.
So I am trying to adjust my way of thinking about my day and how things are to run in our house. If you come over in the morning you will find us in complete disarray with a very long list of to-dos. I most likely will not be showered ( I don't usually get to that until after lunch) and the kids will be in their pajamas.
But feel free to join us in the afternoon when I've had a chance to get things under control.
The last few weeks I have been struggling with balancing my life and I couldn't figure out why but while I was doing the dishes today I realized the difficulties I was having were because my routine was mixed up and I was trying to make it work. Now that I know what's going on I have adapted my thinking and I think life is going to work out a bit better.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Life as I know it
I'm almost half way done with this pregnancy and I can hardly believe it. Sometimes it seems like the days are flying by. But then I look forward to everything that will happen before this baby comes and it seems like I still have such a long way to go.
Dyson will start 1st grade, Rori's 2nd birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving... and then baby right before Christmas.
It has been really nice to have Jason around (as much as he can be) during this pregnancy. Of course he was right there during the first 2 but was almost completely out of the picture for Rori, since he was in another country. Every time we go through this it seems to get a little harder to balance my time between all the kids and time I spend praying to the porcelain god. The kids are super patient with me of course, especially the boys. Rori thinks that every time you go into the bathroom you have to spit into the toilet. It's pretty funny but it sure paints a picture of what I do all day.
The nausea is continuing and that is no big surprise to anyone. It has been a little easier to control and only seems to get really bad if I wait to long to eat.
I'm getting to that point where my pants aren't quite fitting right but I'm pretty sure that my growing belly isn't totally to blame. It might be time to start working off some of the snacks that I have to continually eat so I don't get sick.
The kids are I are adjusting to life in NJ. I wouldn't say that I love it here but things are starting to be a little less confusing and we are getting into a good routine. We have a really great ward and there are some really awesome people in it. Dyson and Ridge have made some great friends and they beg to play with them nearly every day.
Jason is settling in to the routine of getting up at 4:30 am to get ready and catch the bus each morning. He has been going to bed around 8:30 pm which cuts down on our time together considerably but at least he's home to snuggle with. He is really enjoying the time in the hospital and is absorbing as much info as he can. He comes home some days and feels like he doesn't know anything but I think they do that to the Med Students on purpose. He amazes me every day with his ability to push on. I know that if I went to "work" every day and was told all the things I didn't know, pretty sure I'd want to stop going, but not Jason. He gets up every day and is excited to see what is in store for him.
Rori is the funniest kid I've ever known. She makes me laugh every day and she is saying more and more words. Of course she needs a translator so outsiders can understand her but she is teaching me her language as quickly as I can learn it. She loves to have her hair in Poeys. (ponies) She is such a girl. Every day after her bath she sits on my lap and we do ponies. She can't stand to have her hair in her face (just like her mom) and we have to spray her hair with hair spray when we are done or she gets very upset.
She likes to give kisses but she loves to lick your face. She is such a sneaky thing too. She will come up to me with her lips puckered like she wants to kiss me and as soon as she gets close enough she licks my whole cheek!! She is such a pill sometimes.
Her big thing lately has been to "shop." She will get her shopping cart and put her Bob (stuffed frog) and put him in too and come to whichever room I'm in and tell me "Bye, I shop" she will say bye to me until I say bye to her and then she walks around the house. Then she will come back and say "Hello." She is super cute.
Ridge I feel is still trying to find his way and his place. He is the middle child and sometimes I think he doesn't know where he fits in. He plays with Dyson of course and even with Dyson's friends but he really doesn't have any friends of his own. All the kids in his primary class are girls and he isn't quite into playing with them yet. He is a big sweet heart though. He is my snuggle bug and I can get him to give me loves just about any time of day.
He struggles with Rori a bit. I think there is a bit of jealousy.
Dyson is such a care giver. He is always looking out for his brother and sister. Don't get me wrong, they certainly have their fights but for the most part Dyson looks after them and protects them from other people being mean to them and from them getting hurt. He has so much love for them and you can see it in everything he does for them. Dyson is so much like his dad and it makes my heart so happy to him emulating such a great man.
Jason is a great man. There is nobody else in the world like him and I am so lucky to have him as my husband. There is no one on earth who could fit into my life like he does, or love me like he does. He was made just for me. He is such a devoted father and my kids are so blessed to have a dad who adores them like Jason does.
My heart swells to overflowing when I think about the life we have made together. Things have not gone exactly according to the plan we first made when we were engaged but it has turned out so much better in lots of ways. I wish I were better with words so I could explain how I feel about this great man. We all have very special feelings where our spouses are concerned and I am no different. Of course I feel like my feelings are so unique that there is no other love out there like what Jason and I have and in a sense that is true. Where Jason and I are unique from everyone else so is our love.
I feel so blessed to have so many wonderful things in my life right now and I am trying to stay positive during the not so wonderful things. Learning to let go of the unimportant events and make sure my kids know how much I love them every day is what I am striving for.
Dyson will start 1st grade, Rori's 2nd birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving... and then baby right before Christmas.
It has been really nice to have Jason around (as much as he can be) during this pregnancy. Of course he was right there during the first 2 but was almost completely out of the picture for Rori, since he was in another country. Every time we go through this it seems to get a little harder to balance my time between all the kids and time I spend praying to the porcelain god. The kids are super patient with me of course, especially the boys. Rori thinks that every time you go into the bathroom you have to spit into the toilet. It's pretty funny but it sure paints a picture of what I do all day.
The nausea is continuing and that is no big surprise to anyone. It has been a little easier to control and only seems to get really bad if I wait to long to eat.
I'm getting to that point where my pants aren't quite fitting right but I'm pretty sure that my growing belly isn't totally to blame. It might be time to start working off some of the snacks that I have to continually eat so I don't get sick.
The kids are I are adjusting to life in NJ. I wouldn't say that I love it here but things are starting to be a little less confusing and we are getting into a good routine. We have a really great ward and there are some really awesome people in it. Dyson and Ridge have made some great friends and they beg to play with them nearly every day.
Jason is settling in to the routine of getting up at 4:30 am to get ready and catch the bus each morning. He has been going to bed around 8:30 pm which cuts down on our time together considerably but at least he's home to snuggle with. He is really enjoying the time in the hospital and is absorbing as much info as he can. He comes home some days and feels like he doesn't know anything but I think they do that to the Med Students on purpose. He amazes me every day with his ability to push on. I know that if I went to "work" every day and was told all the things I didn't know, pretty sure I'd want to stop going, but not Jason. He gets up every day and is excited to see what is in store for him.
Rori is the funniest kid I've ever known. She makes me laugh every day and she is saying more and more words. Of course she needs a translator so outsiders can understand her but she is teaching me her language as quickly as I can learn it. She loves to have her hair in Poeys. (ponies) She is such a girl. Every day after her bath she sits on my lap and we do ponies. She can't stand to have her hair in her face (just like her mom) and we have to spray her hair with hair spray when we are done or she gets very upset.
She likes to give kisses but she loves to lick your face. She is such a sneaky thing too. She will come up to me with her lips puckered like she wants to kiss me and as soon as she gets close enough she licks my whole cheek!! She is such a pill sometimes.
Her big thing lately has been to "shop." She will get her shopping cart and put her Bob (stuffed frog) and put him in too and come to whichever room I'm in and tell me "Bye, I shop" she will say bye to me until I say bye to her and then she walks around the house. Then she will come back and say "Hello." She is super cute.
Ridge I feel is still trying to find his way and his place. He is the middle child and sometimes I think he doesn't know where he fits in. He plays with Dyson of course and even with Dyson's friends but he really doesn't have any friends of his own. All the kids in his primary class are girls and he isn't quite into playing with them yet. He is a big sweet heart though. He is my snuggle bug and I can get him to give me loves just about any time of day.
He struggles with Rori a bit. I think there is a bit of jealousy.
Dyson is such a care giver. He is always looking out for his brother and sister. Don't get me wrong, they certainly have their fights but for the most part Dyson looks after them and protects them from other people being mean to them and from them getting hurt. He has so much love for them and you can see it in everything he does for them. Dyson is so much like his dad and it makes my heart so happy to him emulating such a great man.
Jason is a great man. There is nobody else in the world like him and I am so lucky to have him as my husband. There is no one on earth who could fit into my life like he does, or love me like he does. He was made just for me. He is such a devoted father and my kids are so blessed to have a dad who adores them like Jason does.
My heart swells to overflowing when I think about the life we have made together. Things have not gone exactly according to the plan we first made when we were engaged but it has turned out so much better in lots of ways. I wish I were better with words so I could explain how I feel about this great man. We all have very special feelings where our spouses are concerned and I am no different. Of course I feel like my feelings are so unique that there is no other love out there like what Jason and I have and in a sense that is true. Where Jason and I are unique from everyone else so is our love.
I feel so blessed to have so many wonderful things in my life right now and I am trying to stay positive during the not so wonderful things. Learning to let go of the unimportant events and make sure my kids know how much I love them every day is what I am striving for.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Small Victories
Today I am claiming a few small victories.
Thanks to some great FB friends I was reminded about a website devoted to the early learning of kids called www.starfall.com . Of course I knew about that site and have actually used it before. I just haven't used it for a while and had forgotten about it. So today I sat Ridge down at my computer and had him select which ever letters he wanted and I left the room. After yesterday's disastrous attempt at letter learning I thought it would be best if he did some independent study. And it seemed to go good. Not that he was really learning anything but at least he is getting some visualization of the concepts I was trying to teach him. I think he may be a visual learner and having me sit there and tell him things wasn't working. When we were trying to think of words that start with the letter L he would look around the room to find something. So I think having pictures for him to look at will help. I'm hoping that after a while of using the website it will start to come together and he will be able to make some progress. So thanks to all the friends who reminded me.
That is victory number 1. Sad to say but I'm claiming getting Ridge to sit at a computer to learn letters a victory.
Victory number 2 is that Rori peed on the potty today!! Lately she has had a serious fascination with the toilet and my bathroom has had several moppings due to her water splashing. So I decided I would put her curiosity to use. I haven't been feeling super well and haven't started a really legitimate attempt at potty training, but I thought I should introduce her to what the toilet is really for. We have sat on the potty several times and she really likes it (we got her a princess potty seat) but she had yet to do anything really productive while sitting there. Then today after her bath I asked her if she wanted to go potty and of course she said yes. (she always does) and I put her on the seat and let her sit there for a min. I wasn't really expecting anything but pretty soon I hear a tinkle and got super excited!! The next few minutes were filled with shouts of "Yipee!" and "Yeah for Rori!" there was also a fair amount of clapping and even a little dance when she got down.
I decided to put her in some panties just to see how it would go, and our victory was quickly followed up with her peeing all over my floor.
We were getting ready to go to the park so we went back into diapers and ran off to the play ground where we had a fabulous time playing with our friends.
So although I haven't jumped into the potty training with 2 feet we are at least experimenting and we have one small victory to claim.
Dyson has really began to blossom in his reading too. He amazes me every day with the things he is reading. (This may be part of my problem with Ridge, perhaps I expect too much of him. I may be comparing him to Dyson too much) He can read his numbers written out (ie. sixteen, fourteen) all the way up to the number twenty. He has been working in a work book for 1st graders and is doing amazingly well. He has such a great personality and keeps me laughing everyday.
He loves to sing and dance and the games he plays with Ridge are so hilarious to listen too.
Yesterday was one of those days that can really get someone down but are an important part of life. If you never experience the frustration and disappointment then you can never really appreciate the victories and successes.
Today was victorious and successful.
I love being a mom. There really is no other job like it.
Thanks to some great FB friends I was reminded about a website devoted to the early learning of kids called www.starfall.com . Of course I knew about that site and have actually used it before. I just haven't used it for a while and had forgotten about it. So today I sat Ridge down at my computer and had him select which ever letters he wanted and I left the room. After yesterday's disastrous attempt at letter learning I thought it would be best if he did some independent study. And it seemed to go good. Not that he was really learning anything but at least he is getting some visualization of the concepts I was trying to teach him. I think he may be a visual learner and having me sit there and tell him things wasn't working. When we were trying to think of words that start with the letter L he would look around the room to find something. So I think having pictures for him to look at will help. I'm hoping that after a while of using the website it will start to come together and he will be able to make some progress. So thanks to all the friends who reminded me.
That is victory number 1. Sad to say but I'm claiming getting Ridge to sit at a computer to learn letters a victory.
Victory number 2 is that Rori peed on the potty today!! Lately she has had a serious fascination with the toilet and my bathroom has had several moppings due to her water splashing. So I decided I would put her curiosity to use. I haven't been feeling super well and haven't started a really legitimate attempt at potty training, but I thought I should introduce her to what the toilet is really for. We have sat on the potty several times and she really likes it (we got her a princess potty seat) but she had yet to do anything really productive while sitting there. Then today after her bath I asked her if she wanted to go potty and of course she said yes. (she always does) and I put her on the seat and let her sit there for a min. I wasn't really expecting anything but pretty soon I hear a tinkle and got super excited!! The next few minutes were filled with shouts of "Yipee!" and "Yeah for Rori!" there was also a fair amount of clapping and even a little dance when she got down.
I decided to put her in some panties just to see how it would go, and our victory was quickly followed up with her peeing all over my floor.
We were getting ready to go to the park so we went back into diapers and ran off to the play ground where we had a fabulous time playing with our friends.
So although I haven't jumped into the potty training with 2 feet we are at least experimenting and we have one small victory to claim.
Dyson has really began to blossom in his reading too. He amazes me every day with the things he is reading. (This may be part of my problem with Ridge, perhaps I expect too much of him. I may be comparing him to Dyson too much) He can read his numbers written out (ie. sixteen, fourteen) all the way up to the number twenty. He has been working in a work book for 1st graders and is doing amazingly well. He has such a great personality and keeps me laughing everyday.
He loves to sing and dance and the games he plays with Ridge are so hilarious to listen too.
Yesterday was one of those days that can really get someone down but are an important part of life. If you never experience the frustration and disappointment then you can never really appreciate the victories and successes.
Today was victorious and successful.
I love being a mom. There really is no other job like it.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
At my wits end
I have spent a good deal of today crying. (I know that's not a cheery way to start a post, but It's true) It seems that when it rains it pours at my house and after an eventful day yesterday, with the dumping of pepper all over the kitchen, toilet water all over the bathroom and Styrofoam all over the house, today was just enough to make me feel like a failure of mom.
When Dyson was little he was really quick to learn. He spoke early, he learned his ABC's quickly, and he walked young. I knew the things he was doing were fairly advanced for his age and assumed that my other kids would be different and so I have tried not to compare them. The problem has come that Ridge has not only not learned things as quickly as Dyson did but, now that he is 4 he still doesn't know his letter names and sounds. He can sing the alphabet song but he has no idea what he is saying or what it means. I have tried flash cards to help him learn the letters and he can copy what I say when the card is right in front of him but as soon as I move on to another letter or put the cards away he forgets everything!
I don't really know what to do or what to make of it. Today we were trying to learn the letter L and I asked him what letter it was and what sound it made and we seriously worked on it for 30 min and at the end of it he still couldn't tell me what letter it was or what sound it made! We laid on my bed thinking of words that started with the letter L and I would say something like "lotion" and he would say "doorknob"!!! After 30 min of trying to learn the letter L and he still can't come up with a word that starts with the right letter sound.
I must be completely ineffective as a teacher because I have literally tried everything I can think of to help him learn it and he just doesn't get it.
I enrolled him in preschool when he was 3 so he could start getting some of the letters and numbers figured out, but I noticed that he really wasn't getting it. I chalked that up to him just being one of the youngest kids in the class and thought maybe he just wasn't interested. But now that he if 4 and is not any closer to figuring it out I'm not really sure what to do.
So after our little letter adventure I laid down on my bed and cried.
I feel like a failure as a mom and as the teacher to my children. I have to admit that I did lose my temper and that of course never helps. The light of learning hasn't clicked in him and I don't know what to do to turn on the lights.
So to sum up the day. I've not been feeling super great, the house is a mess, I lost my temper with my kids and I have spent a great deal of time crying.
Being a mom really is the hardest job in the world. Just as the paydays are the greatest so are the disappointments and failures. The fear of failing as a mom, especially a stay at home mom, is almost crushing to me. The question "What do you do all day?" is not an uncommon thing to hear out here and when there are few victories to report it is really discouraging.
I have always felt that my place was in the home and that I could do the best for my kids to be the one raising and teaching them and daycare and babysitters were not what I wanted for my kids, but I have to say that if you were to compare my kids to those who have attended day care they are lacking in the academic areas. So what do I do all day? and how can I be more effective in teaching? I have no idea and daycare is looking pretty tempting right now.
To add insult to injury in this whole mess, I want to put Ridge in preschool so he can hopefully start to understand it but I pretty much have no options for that. All the preschools I can find out here are daycares and super pricey (the one next door is about $1200.00 a month) and I haven't found anyone do to a co-op preschool with. So poor Ridge is left with his unqualified, impatient, discouraged mom who will be severely distracted come Dec. to teach him everything he needs to know before Kindergarten.
When Dyson was little he was really quick to learn. He spoke early, he learned his ABC's quickly, and he walked young. I knew the things he was doing were fairly advanced for his age and assumed that my other kids would be different and so I have tried not to compare them. The problem has come that Ridge has not only not learned things as quickly as Dyson did but, now that he is 4 he still doesn't know his letter names and sounds. He can sing the alphabet song but he has no idea what he is saying or what it means. I have tried flash cards to help him learn the letters and he can copy what I say when the card is right in front of him but as soon as I move on to another letter or put the cards away he forgets everything!
I don't really know what to do or what to make of it. Today we were trying to learn the letter L and I asked him what letter it was and what sound it made and we seriously worked on it for 30 min and at the end of it he still couldn't tell me what letter it was or what sound it made! We laid on my bed thinking of words that started with the letter L and I would say something like "lotion" and he would say "doorknob"!!! After 30 min of trying to learn the letter L and he still can't come up with a word that starts with the right letter sound.
I must be completely ineffective as a teacher because I have literally tried everything I can think of to help him learn it and he just doesn't get it.
I enrolled him in preschool when he was 3 so he could start getting some of the letters and numbers figured out, but I noticed that he really wasn't getting it. I chalked that up to him just being one of the youngest kids in the class and thought maybe he just wasn't interested. But now that he if 4 and is not any closer to figuring it out I'm not really sure what to do.
So after our little letter adventure I laid down on my bed and cried.
I feel like a failure as a mom and as the teacher to my children. I have to admit that I did lose my temper and that of course never helps. The light of learning hasn't clicked in him and I don't know what to do to turn on the lights.
So to sum up the day. I've not been feeling super great, the house is a mess, I lost my temper with my kids and I have spent a great deal of time crying.
Being a mom really is the hardest job in the world. Just as the paydays are the greatest so are the disappointments and failures. The fear of failing as a mom, especially a stay at home mom, is almost crushing to me. The question "What do you do all day?" is not an uncommon thing to hear out here and when there are few victories to report it is really discouraging.
I have always felt that my place was in the home and that I could do the best for my kids to be the one raising and teaching them and daycare and babysitters were not what I wanted for my kids, but I have to say that if you were to compare my kids to those who have attended day care they are lacking in the academic areas. So what do I do all day? and how can I be more effective in teaching? I have no idea and daycare is looking pretty tempting right now.
To add insult to injury in this whole mess, I want to put Ridge in preschool so he can hopefully start to understand it but I pretty much have no options for that. All the preschools I can find out here are daycares and super pricey (the one next door is about $1200.00 a month) and I haven't found anyone do to a co-op preschool with. So poor Ridge is left with his unqualified, impatient, discouraged mom who will be severely distracted come Dec. to teach him everything he needs to know before Kindergarten.
Monday, June 21, 2010
The Shower
They say that people get great ideas and do a lot of great thinking when they are in the shower and I would have to agree. I find that when I'm in the shower I can think of a million topics to write about on the blog, or ponder things that are weighing on my mind. But the minute I get out of the shower the world seems to come back with full force and I find myself at a loss for words to write and the conclusions and enlightened thoughts I did have are just out of reach of my conscience mind.
There are so many things that a mom must think about at any given moment that it's easy to see how non immediate things get pushed to the back.
Lately I have been feeling like all I am is a mom. I don't want it to sound like I don't enjoy being a mom because being a mom is all I ever wanted to be. I'm not really one who likes the idea of having a job and I absolutely adore my children. They are the light of my life and the reason for my existence. They are so much a part of me I wouldn't know how to function without them. However, I have been a mom for 6 years now and I have noticed that I have lost apart of what makes me, me.
I used to do so many things and I enjoyed them. I find that I no longer do the things that defined who I was (perhaps only in my mind) and I have wrapped my whole persona in the lives of my children. Like I said, I love my kids beyond words, but I don't find it to be a healthy thing for me to have no other interests. The problem I am facing is that with nearly 4 delightful children and a husband who has very demanding responsibilities I can't seem to find the time, the money, or even the project to fill in the gaps.
I would like to join a book club, but I don't even know where to start looking for one, and I am afraid that the books chosen from a group out here might have graphic sections or offensive language. I am not comfortable reading graphic novels and for some reason I find that reading an offensive word on a page is harder for me to handle than it is to hear it in a movie. I know, it's weird.
I did try scrapbooking once but that was a short lived adventure. I would spend hours trying to design one page and it would end up so plain that it looked like a 5 yr old did it. Not to mention the supplies for scrapbooking are quite pricey.
I did think about sewing for a little bit. But I haven't sewn anything since the 7th grade where my glasses case ended up being more like a pencil case since the opening was so narrow. Plus again, the tools to start learning how to sew are expensive.
I'm sure this post sounds like such a downer to all of you but I'm really not depressed or sad about the problem I am just at a loss as to what to do to get myself back on track to being a well rounded individual.
I want to give my kids so much more than just a mom who used to do things and used to have interests. I want to show them what it means to be a person who pursues their interests and finds balance in every aspect of their lives. I don't want them to grow up and be so focused on their jobs that they let their families suffer. Nor do I want them to be so wrapped up in their family that they can't keep a job to support them, or have hobbies to share with their kids.
I would really like to find a skill or a hobby that I can do so I can teach my kids how to do it. I want to be so much more than just a mom. I want to be a spectacular mom who shares the wonders of this world with her kids.
P.S. Showers really are the best place to have long, meaningful thoughts with yourself. If you try to have these thoughts when you are out of the shower you should be prepared to suffer the consequences. For example, while I was writing this in my room, Rori dumped out an entire pepper shaker all over my kitchen. When I was in the shower, she was sleeping.
I'll have to think faster in the shower so I have time to write it out before the natives awake.
Personal thought time....over
There are so many things that a mom must think about at any given moment that it's easy to see how non immediate things get pushed to the back.
Lately I have been feeling like all I am is a mom. I don't want it to sound like I don't enjoy being a mom because being a mom is all I ever wanted to be. I'm not really one who likes the idea of having a job and I absolutely adore my children. They are the light of my life and the reason for my existence. They are so much a part of me I wouldn't know how to function without them. However, I have been a mom for 6 years now and I have noticed that I have lost apart of what makes me, me.
I used to do so many things and I enjoyed them. I find that I no longer do the things that defined who I was (perhaps only in my mind) and I have wrapped my whole persona in the lives of my children. Like I said, I love my kids beyond words, but I don't find it to be a healthy thing for me to have no other interests. The problem I am facing is that with nearly 4 delightful children and a husband who has very demanding responsibilities I can't seem to find the time, the money, or even the project to fill in the gaps.
I would like to join a book club, but I don't even know where to start looking for one, and I am afraid that the books chosen from a group out here might have graphic sections or offensive language. I am not comfortable reading graphic novels and for some reason I find that reading an offensive word on a page is harder for me to handle than it is to hear it in a movie. I know, it's weird.
I did try scrapbooking once but that was a short lived adventure. I would spend hours trying to design one page and it would end up so plain that it looked like a 5 yr old did it. Not to mention the supplies for scrapbooking are quite pricey.
I did think about sewing for a little bit. But I haven't sewn anything since the 7th grade where my glasses case ended up being more like a pencil case since the opening was so narrow. Plus again, the tools to start learning how to sew are expensive.
I'm sure this post sounds like such a downer to all of you but I'm really not depressed or sad about the problem I am just at a loss as to what to do to get myself back on track to being a well rounded individual.
I want to give my kids so much more than just a mom who used to do things and used to have interests. I want to show them what it means to be a person who pursues their interests and finds balance in every aspect of their lives. I don't want them to grow up and be so focused on their jobs that they let their families suffer. Nor do I want them to be so wrapped up in their family that they can't keep a job to support them, or have hobbies to share with their kids.
I would really like to find a skill or a hobby that I can do so I can teach my kids how to do it. I want to be so much more than just a mom. I want to be a spectacular mom who shares the wonders of this world with her kids.
P.S. Showers really are the best place to have long, meaningful thoughts with yourself. If you try to have these thoughts when you are out of the shower you should be prepared to suffer the consequences. For example, while I was writing this in my room, Rori dumped out an entire pepper shaker all over my kitchen. When I was in the shower, she was sleeping.
I'll have to think faster in the shower so I have time to write it out before the natives awake.
Personal thought time....over
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
We made it
Last night was Jason's first night on call. He has been on a rotation for the last 2 weeks that didn't have a call schedule but that changed yesterday and he was lucky enough to get to be on call. The normal hours are from 6:30 am to 5:00 pm but when they are on call they have to be there until 9:00 or 10:00 pm.
We made it through the night and Jason made it through his. The kids did have a bit of a hard time understanding that they wouldn't get to see dad for a couple of days though. Dyson handled it well and Ridge was only sad about it for a minute but Rori spent a good portion of this morning being extremely upset that she hadn't seen daddy.
We managed to keep ourselves plenty busy yesterday and are going out for walk today so hopefully I can distract daddy's little girl until he returns this afternoon. Jas is supposed to follow the schedule of the resident that he is assigned to and his resident is on his Post Call schedule and is off at 1:00 so Jas is hoping to be done around 3:00. I'm not holding my breath though because they can always just assign him to a new resident.
We are slowly getting used to being in NJ and we get around OK as long as we have a working GPS. Without it we would be so lost all the time that I think I stay home. haha.
We are all adjusting to our new life and are excited about what the future holds for us. I am trying to stay positive about life here and it seems to be helping my attitude. Maybe there is hope for NJ after all.... maybe.
We made it through the night and Jason made it through his. The kids did have a bit of a hard time understanding that they wouldn't get to see dad for a couple of days though. Dyson handled it well and Ridge was only sad about it for a minute but Rori spent a good portion of this morning being extremely upset that she hadn't seen daddy.
We managed to keep ourselves plenty busy yesterday and are going out for walk today so hopefully I can distract daddy's little girl until he returns this afternoon. Jas is supposed to follow the schedule of the resident that he is assigned to and his resident is on his Post Call schedule and is off at 1:00 so Jas is hoping to be done around 3:00. I'm not holding my breath though because they can always just assign him to a new resident.
We are slowly getting used to being in NJ and we get around OK as long as we have a working GPS. Without it we would be so lost all the time that I think I stay home. haha.
We are all adjusting to our new life and are excited about what the future holds for us. I am trying to stay positive about life here and it seems to be helping my attitude. Maybe there is hope for NJ after all.... maybe.
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