Do any of you have a hard time being inspired by others? This may sound weird but I do. Instead of being inspired by the accomplishments and ambitions of others, it seem so emphasize my own insecurities and shortcomings. Am I alone in this?
When I write it down it sounds so silly! But as I sit here and think about all the success, talents, projects, and goals of all you wonderful people I don't get inspired to start my own project or learn to do something new, instead I just feel more alone and insignificant. I wish I could feed off of others energy but instead I feel more like a failure.
I feel like a totally different person that when I got married and not in a good way.
I used to spend forever picking out the perfect outfit and heaven forbid I leave the house without makeup on. Now I'm lucky if I've showered in the last 3 days. It makes for a funny joke but the reality is that I'm dieing.
This post could go on and on but I'll spare you all from my emotional roller coaster, heaven knows I'd get off myself if I knew how.
5 comments:
I know you are under a ton of stress right now but you are not a failure! Remember when you told me you knew that nothing anyone else did took anything away from you? Just take that "Deep Breath" and remember that you are loved very much! I am grateful you are my daughter, and even more grateful that you are my friend. You teach me things all the time. You help me to work through the struggles I have too.
Count your blessings, and name them one by one....
I Love You!
I think its normal to feel that way sometimes. A lot of women blog about the happy fun things they do but not always the bad and it appears as if they are perfect with no mess ups or bad days. I had a friend post on facebook about how bad she dislikes her self and how she is angry all the time. I told her I felt the same way sometimes. She responded with " I am sorry, I don't believe you. You are always happy and nice" I felt like I got slapped. I most definitely have awful rotten sucky days, weeks, months. I think its natural to feel inadequate to the world. Doesn't make it easier or better but know you are not alone. You are a great mother. Look at your adorable family. They ARE taken care of and you do the best you can. I suck at advice, opinions and anything like that but just know you really, really are amazing. I personally have looked at you and wanted to do the things you have gotten to do. You can only head your head up and hope for a better day. i have learned long ago I won't EVER be as crafty, pretty, witty or fun as a lot of moms. oh well. I am just me. and thats ok :)
ps i meant Keep your head up
The problem is that you set the standard too high for your friends. You just need to lower your standards. I'm a good friend to have because I aim low and achieve little. I realized last night that my leg hair was longer than Wes' and that's saying something because I'm married to a monkey. I'm happy if the black ring in my toilet stays there for less than 2 weeks and it's a red letter day if I actually wash my dinner dishes in the same 24 hours that I served said dinner. I think I've used my swiffer duster once in the past year but I'm definitely entitled to complain about how dusty the house is (and wonder how my house creates more dust than anyone else's... I think there's something wrong with my house!). I didn't even start wearing mascara until I was in college because makeup sounds like too much work. In fact, I'm a great mother because all the dirt in my house is just building my kids' immune systems. For some weird reason my husband is blind to how lopsided our relationship is and he loves me anyway. I thank my heavenly father everyday for his low standards.
Love you Amanda! Welcome to the club of "it's my best and I'm getting by."
Amanda,
I am grateful for your honesty. I wrote a post a while ago that I never posted in fear of other's really figuring out how I felt. I don't always feel inspired or better for keeping up with everyone else. In fact most times it makes me feel worse. It is torturous! You just need to find that place in your heart, mind, and faith to realize those simple words we were taught in primary. I AM A CHILD OF GOD. I know you understand what it means. You will make it through whatever feelings may be plaguing you. I think more of your because you can be honest and say "This is HARD" instead hiding behind a picture on your blog of the perfectly made dress that you created in your spare time on saturday in between dinner and hosting a baby shower all with creative homemade goodies and decor. Seriously! What are we doing to ourselves as mothers? We need to be more sensitive to each other and stop being obsessed with ourselves. If you ever want to read my post that I didn't post, just let me know. I know you won't judge :) Love ya! -jaclyn
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