Look at these adorable children. Don't they look like little angels? Well, don't be fooled. These little terrors gave me one of the worst days I have had in a long time.
The day consisted of half a bottle of Febreeze being sprayed on my computer, half a tube of lotion being massaged into the bedroom carpet, my makeup dumped all over the bathroom floor, lying, disobeying, and the list goes on.
Needless to say, by the end of this day the children had no toys in their room, and they were grounded to their beds. I felt like the worst mom in the whole world. I'm not sure if it's hormones, stress, being away from jas or a combination of everything but, I was pretty much an emotional basket case, and felt like a complete failure.
It seems that everyone else I know has at least one amazing talent and everyone else's kids are so well behaved. It feels like I just can't keep up with everyone else. With Jas thousands of miles away I sometimes feel like he is moving forward while I am stuck at home ruining the lives of his children.
Sometimes I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. While I'm here in Utah, I am a visitor. My church records are still in Grenada so I don't have a calling and I'm not on any of the rolls. I'm not really included in any of the ward activities because technically I'm not a member of the ward. It's weird to hang out with my single friends because I have kids, and it's weird to hand out with the married couples because I have no spouse. I keep thinking that it will all be ok when I get back to Grenada but I'm afraid that it will be hard to melt back into the group when everyone will have had lots of time together. It will be almost 8 months exactly since I left Grenada in March, and that is a long time.
All in all the last few days have been rather emotional and a little depressing.
Hopefully I have got all of that out of my system and life can get back to "normal"
HA!
The day consisted of half a bottle of Febreeze being sprayed on my computer, half a tube of lotion being massaged into the bedroom carpet, my makeup dumped all over the bathroom floor, lying, disobeying, and the list goes on.
Needless to say, by the end of this day the children had no toys in their room, and they were grounded to their beds. I felt like the worst mom in the whole world. I'm not sure if it's hormones, stress, being away from jas or a combination of everything but, I was pretty much an emotional basket case, and felt like a complete failure.
It seems that everyone else I know has at least one amazing talent and everyone else's kids are so well behaved. It feels like I just can't keep up with everyone else. With Jas thousands of miles away I sometimes feel like he is moving forward while I am stuck at home ruining the lives of his children.
Sometimes I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. While I'm here in Utah, I am a visitor. My church records are still in Grenada so I don't have a calling and I'm not on any of the rolls. I'm not really included in any of the ward activities because technically I'm not a member of the ward. It's weird to hang out with my single friends because I have kids, and it's weird to hand out with the married couples because I have no spouse. I keep thinking that it will all be ok when I get back to Grenada but I'm afraid that it will be hard to melt back into the group when everyone will have had lots of time together. It will be almost 8 months exactly since I left Grenada in March, and that is a long time.
All in all the last few days have been rather emotional and a little depressing.
Hopefully I have got all of that out of my system and life can get back to "normal"
HA!
3 comments:
Oh I'm sorry you had a no-good-terrible day! I haven't seen you post for a while so I thought maybe you had the little one early! Don't worry too much about things going back to what they were. You are doing the most important thing you can ever do...being a mom. It's not always glamorous, but you will be rewarded in heaven. We all have bad days, but I know you, and I know you will conquer. Hugs! And just think, it's not too too much longer until you'll be with your husband again and he can give you a hug and make all your bad days better.
Don't worry about coming back to Grenada. You'll always have a place here! Now everyone lives within 2 blocks of each other - including you! I know it's hard to see right now (esp with raging hormones) but this time will pass. It won't last forever!
P.S. No one's kids are well-behaved all the time!! We ALL have good times and bad times.
If you were here, I would invite you to come over and watch a movie and eat pizza! We're really excited for you to come back and remember what Sara said, There is always a place for you here! It's okay to have a bad day. Don't appologize.
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