The last week

Today is the first day of a very hard week. I have lots of fun activities planned with my kids and hubby, but it will all end very badly. On Saturday at 4:50 Jas has to get on a plane that will take him far away for a very long 3 months.

When I left Grenada in March I was really sick and knew I needed to get back to the states where I could get proper medical attention, but this time I am not sick and could easily make the trip. The only problem being that I would get down there and have to turn around and come home in order to be here for the delivery. (I am not having my child in Grenada. Can we say no pain meds of any kind? No thank you)
I'm trying to stay positive but all I can think of is missing him. We have several fun things planned for this summer and he will miss them. My birthday is in July, we have family reunions, and even just the day to day stuff. I dread having comfort the boys when they realize that their dad is gone, and not just for a few minutes. I'm scared that he won't make it back for the delivery. I'm going to miss having him next to me at night, and the way he helps me put the boys to bed.
I feel very displaced when Jas isn't here. Being a "single mom" separates you from almost everyone. I have friends that are single, friends that are married without children, and friends who are married and have children. It's awkward to be around the single ones because I always have the kids, and I feel like the third wheel with anyone who is married.
Jason completes me. He is the best husband in the whole world. He is selfless, hardworking, kind, gentle, loving... I could go on and on. I will truly miss him.
I'm not sure how I will get through the next 3 months I can only pray that the Lord will help me because I don't know that anything else will.

This has been kind of a jumbled post because I have just been typing my thoughts and not really paying attention to what I have been writing, so sorry if it doesn't make much sense.